Just Why?

Why do some of us live a lie?

In relationships, some have chosen to lie about who they are knowing they wouldn't have a chance in Hell with someone or be able to keep them.  Some do it because they're afraid to be themselves due to anxiety,  mental illness, or some other major thing they need to conceal.  Finally, some lie for love.  They want to protect the object of their affection by pushing them away.  Sometimes the timing is just bad! Sometimes the truth just fucking hurts.

Why do I love the moon so much when all it does is play make-believe? I am honest about who I am at the time I meet people, but in my defense, my perspective was skewed due to selfish, materialistic, evil demon seeds from Hell who wanted me to feel like shit about myself.  They wanted to create a narrative that was false in an effort to get people on their team.  Little did they know that they're only competing with themselves.

In the last 20 years, my biggest mistake was caring about people, being nice to everyone, and using my real name on the goddamn internet.   My greatest accomplishment was attracting my real one.  

Thank you for fighting for me.  Thank you for protecting me.  Thank you for believing in me.  I can only hope that I haven't disappointed you too much over the years.  I know I chose to live in the shadows of the moon, deluding myself into believing I was the light and could see clearly.  Never have I been so wrong and for that, I'm truly sorry.  I get it now.

My cutoff game is immaculate, something I shouldn't be proud of, but I am.  I put a great deal of effort into self-preservation and blocking out the sun.  It's taken me almost all my life to create my mask and finally be able to wear it proudly.  This, of course, happens as you take yours off.  Go figure.  Just know that there is a method to my madness.  

It's painful for all, but there's always a reason behind the lies.  The question is, can you read between them?