The Fat Mystic

So I finally got some time to look in the mirror the other day and holy shit...I'm FAT.  WTF happened to me over the summer? I was okay and getting better, but then I just plummeted to the fucking ground.  Stress.  Stupidity.  Laziness.  Other idiots infiltrating my space.  All those things contributed to my physical appearance.  Not only this, but my basic attitude toward life went to shit.

This is what happens when we're not around the right people and/or the ones we try to get rid of won't get the hint and disappear.  It's what happens when people in your life don't appreciate your kindness throughout the years and you become cold and resentful.  It's what happens when you have your head so far up your ass you can't see your own reality.

I'm a natural psychic.  I have never fit in to any group of people society deems proper and I never will.  I'm proud of the fact that I'm different, not only in personality, but in appearance.  I married into what appeared to be an "acceptable, average American family" only to realize it was the greatest pile of BS.  Funny how it takes a death in the family for people's true color to come out.  I remember thinking to myself, "How the fuck did you miss THIS one?" Issues.  That's how.

No matter how well versed one is with the happenings in the Spirit World, how psychic you are or how much emotional support you have, your issues and EGO control virtually every good and/or fucked up decision you make in life as an adult.  We can't exactly blame others for everything, only what they contribute to the drama or outcome of the situation.  Obviously because we cannot control people and apparently I can't seem to control my damn ISSUES! Getting a grip takes time, except for the fact that once someone dies, there's no time left for resolution.

On top of getting a hardcore reality check regarding my personal life situation and family members, I suffered two deaths back to back recently.  These were significant people who were instrumental in creating the ISSUES I've had since I was a kid.  It's funny how those damn secrets come out and skeletons shake their shit when someone passes.  After 24 years of being estranged from my father and knowing he wouldn't contact me until the very last second, I was moved to be there for his last moments.  It's amazing how we're affected by this stuff.  Each chapter of this particular story has moved me from one point to the next and pushed me to make choices I normally wouldn't ever consider.  Marriage being one of them.

Now back to the being FAT...

Yes I ate it.  I complained about it.  I didn't bust it. Clearly I suck at it.  I cannot be ashamed of it though.  I just need to stop bitching and tell everyone to fuck off long enough for me to follow a 30 min daily workout program and get on the only diet that works... It's the "Stop Eating That Fucked Up Shit and Be Normal, Girl!" plan.

Today I made up my mind and decided that I'll do it.  My dad died at 65 and I don't want to so I guess it's time.  Plus I have two boys who may want me to be around longer than that.

So are your fucked up issues bubbling up inside so much that you've become FAT too?  Even you skinny bastards count!  Hit me up...







Comments

  1. At one point in time yes. Now I exercise when I get stressed so I get overly tired and snappy. It's not pretty. I adopted it when I was at my lowest point at the beginning of 2016. I was so lonely and disgusted I thought if I got in shape maybe I could be happy. I was happier with the way I looked but all my problems were still there.

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    1. Your note inspired me to finish the piece I'm currently writing. At times, you wonder if what you're doing is needed or desired; your note shows me that I better get on with it. I don't know if what I'm doing will speak to you or not, but I know it's also possible that you may take away something that will be useful at this difficult time. Let's just say for now that I've walked a path similar to where you are now, and know the frustration, confusion and the unending bewilderment that blind spots can bring. I also see that you're a fighter and a survivor (in the truest sense), and that this strength is serving you in ways too delicate to fully appreciate during these times of tremendous upheaval. My heart is with you, and I hear your anger - which is really tears. Cry now, and when you're ready, if it is your will, rise like the Phoenix.

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  2. "So are your fucked up issues bubbling up inside so much that you've become FAT too?"

    yup. I've NEVER not been fat. There have been occasions where I have been slightly overweight, and times I have been obese. And yes, it's all those past memories remembered and forgotten that have gotten the best of me. I dance with my skeletons! Sure, at times it can be breathtakingly beautiful, sometimes a stage show, and sometimes it's full on slam dancing who gives a shit but you know if you fall your buddy will be there to help you back up.

    The last 2 years have been hell. With no handbasket. If you only knew how many times I screamed F-U before/during/and after your readings (oops, sorry about that!). One of these days (soon), I will be scheduling a reading with you since my self readings are f'n crap. And heck, you don't sugar coat which is what I appreciate about you.

    As soon as I am ready and have healed to a decent level, I will work on the fat-factor. I go real/whole foods of high protein, good fats, and low carbs. Then a week of strict high protein, veggie, and fruit @ 500-700 cals but no breads/sugars/or fats incl oils and alternate items so food is not duplicated the next day or in the same day. Rotate weeks.

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    1. Sorry for the delay in my response.

      Issues and stress did lead to a weight gain for me too, but I began to work on it with a slow, consistent focus toward activity; then back to how I best manage calories. I do have a system, and it is working again for me. Slowly, as it should... Rome wasn't built in a day. Sad that Rome can be burnt down that quickly, eh? Sometimes food can be sneaky and make you feel like Rome on a fire day. Anyway, my persistence has brought good results, and I celebrate my small wins. Wins are wins, after all.

      You have mourning to do. Timelines and methods on that vary quite a bit. For me, I have always found true mourning one of the hardest things to do. But perhaps I need a plan for that as well. And when I speak of mourning, it's not just the physical losses and what they bring. Mourning also includes when expectations or hopes take damage. Sounds like you've been hit in a few ways.

      Anger, frustration, disappointment and loss. Quite a menu. Getting this off your plate first is a good decision.

      Use free online resources to help. Perhaps Derek Rydall or Kristen Howe. I think Kristen has a free webinar on Thurs. 4/6 that might help you clarify future planning. Rydall posts extensive internal work resources. Jeff Allen clears energy/chakras. Check out YouTube. Seek out what YOU need, and don't stop until you find it.

      LUX
      J


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  3. It's OK Veronica. Your weight up or down doesn't change who you are. After my husband died I went through the "process" and finally decided to return to the original Ann....only 20 years better! It took 2 years and 30 pounds. Here's what worked for me: always have a cookie (or 2) for breakfast...that negated the urge for sweets after dinner. Each less of everything thing. Instead of a bowl of ice cream I used a custard cup, instead of a dinner plate I used a salad plate. At about 2 pounds/month is was slow but painless weight loss. I didn't change my diet at all. I weighed myself daily. It was easy to see the up/down configurations of weight loss and ultimately very encouraging to watch the pounds go to somewhere else. Two years later the eating habits I developed have continued to work and every now and then I feel no guilt when I REALLY eat a lot because it's not every day and I can truly enjoy a special meal. Good luck and know that I send you good thoughts for success! Ann

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