Another Year Passed & I STILL...

 So much for setting a standard with the Universe...  

Last year I posted an entry where I begged for a few things and gave the Universe until January 2021 to provide.  Well, I got SOME answers and they didn't come until Virgo season.  I guess some are better than none.

I had what felt like a non-productive 2021, however, now that I'm actually focusing on each month I've found that is not exactly true.  I was very progressive mentally and emotionally.  In the last entry, I mentioned that I was seeing and feeling things about my life that I didn't want to deal with, but had no choice.  I did end up facing it all.

While in Virgo season I was getting a ton of repressed events popping back up to the surface through random conversations and mediations/naps.  I also lost some stress weight I gained in 2020 while napping, which was a first, so that's something positive.  Now I take the time to nap, meditate or be still every day.

These memories were seriously painful and caused me to get quite angry at certain people, especially myself.  Having to deal with my emotions regarding a certain spiritual bond was terrifying for me, but I was able to get through it.  Forgiving the other person was super easy, but forgiving myself, well, that's a completely different story.  I had to face the fact that I never forgave myself and this is something I preach all the time!  WTF?  Yeah... so anyway, I am working on that right now.  

Yes, my intuition was screaming at me and yes I paid attention.  What I didn't do was ask more detailed questions to get the right answer at that time.  I did eventually get the information, but it was a few years later.  Had I done what my instincts told me to do in the first place, I could've spared both parties in my situation a lot of pain.  That is what I was telling myself, but the truth is that I had zero control over anything and as an Aquarius, I fucking hate that.

Every time I ignore my intuition I fail miserably.  EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.  Lesson learned.  

This year I did a few things to balance the scales a bit.  I opened my mouth to express love and gave no fucks about it.  I also chose my battles wisely.  I took leaps of faith and tried new things, then bailed when I realized it was too fake for my nature.  I didn't drag shit on or waste much time on pointless things.  I'm very proud of that.  I set new boundaries as well.  

I thought I had mastered this years ago, but apparently not...I no longer give two shits about what people think of me.  

Some people say I'm trash.  Great, in your world I absolutely am and I don't want to be there anyway.  

Some say I'm stupid.  Great!  It's better this way so now I can go about my business and you won't bother me.  

Some say I'm ugly.  Great! So why are you watching if you can't stand the sight of me? 

Another year has passed and I still have some things to reconcile in my head and heart.  I think we all find ourselves in this place from time to time.  The greatest lesson I learned this year is to make sure I have all the facts before rendering a negative outcome in my head.  Communicate clearly so the people I care about most know I do.  Fight for who and what I want, otherwise I'll have to live with regret.  

The best advice I can give you guys is this:

NEVER FAKE BEING HAPPY.  If you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it.  The Universe provides.  

I hope you guys have a safe and healthy transition to 2022.

-V