The One You Love (November 12, 2014)

Unrequited love...I wonder how many people in this world are stuck with this disheartening (possible) truth?  I'd say about 80% of my client base throughout the years have struggled with unrequited love.  In my experience professionally and personally, this is the absolute worst scenario one could face in their love life.  Not just for the one on the receiving end, but for the targeted party as well.  I've seen all sides to this issue.  Let me explain...


This is the person who has attracted another person who loves them deeply or is just simply infatuated, yet the feelings are not returned.  The Target has the most responsibility in this situation since he or she must be the "bad guy" and deliver the truth; their love is not returned.  When in this position he or she needs to be forthcoming and deliver this message with certainty.  Never let the other person believe you're on the fence when you are not.  If you do, you will quickly become the asshole and be seen as a manipulator.  IF that isn't the case, you need to suck it up and be honest.  You would hate to be on the receiving end of this kind of poor communication.  Nobody likes to live in romantic limbo.


He or she is in love or infatuated with another and has staked an emotional claim on The Target's heart.  Yep, I said it.  The Receiver has a tendency to view their love as property instead of a person with real feelings.  If The Receiver has not been dealt strict boundaries by The Target, their feelings of love or infatuation can become a more serious, unhealthy obsession.  It could possibly become dangerous emotionally, physically or both.


The Target and The Receiver may feel like a victim in this game and it's quite possible to be both.  The only true victim in a case of unrequited love would be the person who was manipulated to believe that they had a chance when in fact they never did.  In other words, The Target took advantage of The Receiver's feelings and used them for his or her benefit on a superficial level and allowed The Receiver to go through a lot of unnecessary drama and pain, knowingly. 

Sometimes unrequited love can be positive for one's growth and spiritual development.  I was able to tap into my feelings and use them as a tool to move forward while dealing with a one-sided situation I was involved in.  It took a long time for me to wake up and and embrace the truth about myself while in the process.  To be honest, I'm still finding things I need to work on because I haven't fully healed from it all quite yet.  I'm not sure I ever will.  Most of us don't heal 100% from a heartbreaking situation because it leaves an imprint on our spirits that's meant to be there.  Depending on the lessons we need to learn in order to evolve, we may not be capable of firmly letting go.

Generally silence is the equivalent to NO. "No, I don't love you" or "No, I can't deal with the pressure of a commitment."  Here's a big one:  "I can't SAY No because I may want you later, just not right now."  No matter which way you slice it, when you get nothing you can't believe anything, but the NO in that word.  Sure, there are exceptions to those examples.  Some people say NO when they mean yes, but are held back due to fear, physical distance, a social stigma or other circumstances.  Unfortunately none of that matters.  If they're not with you, it's NO.

I've been guilty of saying No instead of Yes.  I've also been silent when perhaps it would've been better to have made my intentions known.  In that case I stand by my choice of letting this person go because I felt (and still do) that it was in his best interest to live life without me.  Now THAT is the kind of No I can handle...the person who makes a choice to stay away knowing the connection wasn't right for both parties at that time.  This to me is just as meaningful as being together.

There are many ways to start over and move on from unrequited love, but it's important to be honest with yourself first.

What I've learned is that going back and forth in your mind about the truth in your situation isn't going to lead to a safe haven emotionally.  Doing this is only going to keep you in a constant state of confusion and attached to The Target.  Making a solid decision based on the facts of the situation is especially important for those who were left in limbo.  Keep in mind that there are so many people out there who fear confrontation and hate delivering bad news to others.  This is the #1 reason why people get left in the lurch romantically.  I'm not saying this to excuse the behavior, just to explain some of it.

Anger is a popular emotion used to move on.  It seems good at the time, but it isn't a method that will heal one's spirit.  It keeps us hamstrung to the past.  Forgiveness is the only way to truly let go and be able to proceed forward in a healthy manner.  Now this doesn't mean you are to forget being treated poorly.  It's accepting your circumstances and the choices of all parties then letting it go so it's no longer poisoning your heart and soul.  Remember, if you're using anger it'll return until you release those emotions for good.  This includes being angry with yourself.  The worst part of holding on to anger when dealing with unrequited love is that you're not always able to see things as they really are.  What if you're wrong?  Regret is a terrible thing to live with.

Love them for real.  This means respecting the other person's wishes.  If you're not getting a response to your calls and/or texts, stop reaching out.  If they're with another person, are clearly happy and NOT giving you any signs of that changing, walk away for good.  I say this a lot and it's true.  When you love someone you want them to be happy with or without you.  Whatever is in their highest good should be what you want for them.  You may not be it and that's okay.  Truly accepting the reality of your situation will set you free for good.


  1. Thanks Veronica. This helped my thoughts alot. ♡

  2. Thank you Veronica. I actually found you when I was dealing with this topic.

    I appreciate your wisdom. :)

  3. I hope my other comment posted.

  4. Is there any way I can share this insightful post with my daughter. She needs to read this. She needs to hear this from someone other than her mother.


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